Most phones don't die, they go to:

PHONE HEAVEN

( except the bad ones1. They of course go
to hell, just like non-born-again2 people )




1Phones with short battery life,
noisy connections, dropped calls
or the ones exposed to bad language

2 We hpoe the bron-aagin go to tehir hveaen
soon and tkae our lynig and ietnmeocpnt
pesnedrit with tehm3

3We had to scramble the above since
domestic spying seems more wide
spread than anticipated.